Peaks and Valleys

There are two things in life that I find more often then not, Peaks and Valleys. On the good days I ride the waves to my peak of happiness and then I crash into a valley. Italy and this lifestyle has been amazing and a true peak of happiness but I can feel the rubble shaking under my feet and know soon I will crash back into the literal valley. I am not ready for this yet. I wonder sometimes if the good times in my life are only there as placeholders till the next horrible thing happens. I am doing my best to keep my shit together but I am seeming to fail lately over and over again. I don't know whats coming for me next and true, this can be exciting but I have this odd feeling whats coming next will be rough. I have to move back to Los Angeles to become a man and to take care of my family. I have only two people left in my entire family and as much as I never wanted to be the man of the family, its not up to me. I have a responsibility to take care of the ladies who gave their lives for me. They did everything they could just to make sure I was happy and had the best of everything.

I grew up in a single parent household. I am a single child and was raising mainly by my grandmother. Not because my mom wasn't there but because she had to go out and hustle and make sure we could eat and have a roof over our head. When I was little I focused on all the things I didn't have because others around me seemed to rub it in my face all the time. Yeah, I don't have a dad, so what? Yeah, we never lived in a house, so what? Yeah, I watched my grandma have a stroke in front of my eyes, so what? Yeah, I could go on and on about all the bad things that have happened in my life, so what?

So the point is that for every bad thing that has ever happened to me there have been four people standing there with a smile on their faces, sometimes forced, but always there to let me know things will get better and be ok. They taught me to appreciate the things I had instead of focusing on the things I didn't have. They taught me to be happy by being yourself and not letting other people break you down. They taught me the  most important thing of all, Amor es todo!

My mom taught me more then anyone of the four. She taught me that when life breaks you down, when it is trying to crush you under its weight, the trick is to just roll with it. Brush it off once you can stand back up and keep going. She used to ask me often if I liked having my face rubbed in shit? I used to think this was really mean and cruel to ask someone who was hurt. It wasn't meant like that I realized as years went on and I kept wondering what she meant by that. She was hurt when I was hurt and I realize that now. I realize that she has had nothing but the best of intentions for me my entire existence because I am part of her. We are one. We are a team. Just me and her against the world. That is how my entire life has felt, that my mom and I have had to battle daily to make it through the peaks and valleys. My fear of moving home isn't that I have to see my mom every day but that I will not be able to take care of her as well as she has always taken care of me. I don't want to let her down. I can't let her down. So with that said, I will do my best every day to make sure I am happy so that I can help others around me be happy. When people are sad and trying to put their emotions in a box, I won't ask them anything. I will just sit there with them and pass the time until they need me.

I will do my best to keep my pitcher full so that I can fill up everyone else's glass.