Confused in Italy

If I had to choose one word to describe this week it would be, Confused.  I learned this week that the person I traveled half way across the world with is still dealing with ex-boyfriend issues. We have been dating for almost four years next month yet she can't get over whatever he did to her in her past. The lesson I took away from my breakup of my right year relationship is that you have to move on and stop dwelling in the past. I seem to learn that lesson over and over in life but sometimes I wonder if I am the only person looking at life and taking each day as a lesson. You have to learn and grow each day otherwise you will never develop into the beautiful butterfly life wants you to be. We all start life in our own caccoon because its the safest thing for us. Yet you must grow and develop day by day before life passes you by. I have always been a deep thinker so much so that I can say that is my biggest flaw, I live inside my head. I judge people the moment I meet them and live with a predisposed idea of what I expect out of life, however the biggest flaw with this is that life loves to mess that up by showing that there are many layers to each person. I truly want one thing, a love that will last a life time. I came to Italy thinking I had found that and not even a month into being here I'm starting to realize that I will probably leave Italy single and more confused. I just wonder why it's so hard to meet someone who can appreciate me for me? I will keep my chin up and keep it moving because that is literally my only option but every once and a while life needs to throw me a bone.

Well it has been a long week . . .

I have been in Firenze for a bit over a week now. The range of feelings I have experience has been all over the place but the one constant feeling has been lost. I have teared up every day that I have been here for one reason or another. Either the immense beauty that I have seen or the extreme pain I feel from being so far away from my home. I think the shock and awe of this trip has already fizzled and now I just feel trapped here amongst strangers. Never have I felt so alone while being around so many people. I even have six roommates but its still odd to me because I am not used to living with so many people. I think this is going to be a long ten months.

I am glad however that school is starting soon and that will redirect my energy and my spirits. I need something to do rather than just wonder and work out every day. Its fun but after a bit it becomes lonely just like it was back in the states. I realize more than anything I am the constant in this scenario and if any issues like this its because I continue in the same patterns way to often. I find myself clinging to things from home but I just paid 8 Euro for a small fountain coke. Lesson learned, ask for the price before ordering anything! I am living on a budget and am not used to it at all.

I think the oddest part mainly is that all the people I am around are all babies and it makes me realize that I am to old to be living with 20 year olds and people who act like they are. I thought I was immature but I realized by association that I'm not a kid anymore. I need to get my shit together and quickly before life leaves me behind.

So I live in Florence now, no big deal!

I have been in Florence for about 4 days now and I have accomplished more than I would normally back in the states. I walk every where, drink mainly water, and am feeling fantastic. I think for the first time in my life I feel like I am doing something productive with my time. I know this is the beginning of a different way of living. I can not and will not go back home and fall back into my daily routines. I haven't smoked for about a week and I feel GREAT!!!! I thought it would be rough but oddly its easy when you have hundreds of years of art to distract you. I have always considered myself artistic and yes I have a degree that says others agree with me but I am more than an artist, I am a student. I am always learning and I realize now that college was nothing more than a great way to learn.

I have so much more to see but here is a quick glimpse of what I have seen so far.