Its funny how life can run full circle sometime. I left the San Fernando Valley when I was 18 years old with absolutely no intention of ever coming back. Honestly, I hated the valley and would've been perfectly happy to never cross paths with it again. Yet here I am at 30 years old sitting in my childhood room wonder how the hell this happened. When I left to Italy a year ago I had my own apartment in San Francisco, a good job in San Francisco, and a damn good life now that hindsight has set in. Well a lot can happen in a year and damn, it really did. This blog was supposed to be about how Europe changed my life but I had this moment of clarity the other day and realized it wasn't Europe that changed me, it was me that inevitable to change at any given time. When we are stuck in the routine most people search for so desperately we tend to forget about what is really important in life to us. Now that I have been back in America I tend to keep getting the same questions, So Jason, what's next? Oh, you don't have any plans for your future? Why would you do that? How do you plan on having a good life if you don't know what you want to do with it?
Ok....ok....ok....I get it.
People are curious. They love to ask questions and project fears. I have lived my entire life being raised in a family full of fear and situations that haven't always been Kosher. So lets say I developed more of a backbone then most people. But I have been thinking a lot lately and would like to share the answers I think I have come up with for those questions people seem to keep hitting me with.
1. So, Jason what's next?
I don't know what will come next. Life is to unpredictable to plan so far into the future and in my personal experience even planning into the next day can come with life changing ramifications. Although planning is great tool, it isn't really for me. I have spent the year thinking about the big picture of life and realizing that everything I ever plan is always altered, complicated, or just plain not what I expected. So I have started to maintain this new mentality that allows me to go into any situation with the same wonder and excitement I had when I was a child. Remember when you were little and everything was amazing? Yeah, That is exactly how I am trying to see the world again. I want that amazement back that I used to have when I felt a cool breeze touch my face or when I saw a puppy playing with his shadow. The point is that opening my eyes to the world and being grateful for every moment is what is next for me.
2. Oh, you don't have any plans for your future?
This is always my favorite question. Of course I have hopes for my future but plans? Nope. I once had this image in my head about how I wanted this family, house, dog, job, blah, blah, blah. BORING!!!! I realized that this idea wasn't my idea. This idea was put into my head by watching the society around me and thinking this is what would make me happy. I have changed my mind drastically on this previous view and now my plans are to figure out how to rearrange my hopes for my future. Maybe I will have kids, maybe I won't. Maybe I will buy a boat instead of having a wife. Maybe I will get married and never get that dream boat. No. I can't predict the future but I have hopes. Thats the best I can do for now.
3.Why would you do that?
Because honestly happiness is the only thing I am focused on in this lifetime. The moments I have spent sad have all been blessings but I am tired of having them and will focus on not having them anymore.
4. How do you plan on having a good life if you don't low what you want to do with it?
Now, this is the last question I am generally asked. Sometimes it comes off more backhanded then this but the best way to answer this question is purely with time. I have worked very hard on setting myself up for good things in the future but for now I am focusing on the small daily blessings that cross my path. I don't like to plan much but the idea of a good life for a lifetime is quite appealing, isn't it? I have watched my family for many years and have hoped for one thing, to not end up like them. They have all had lives filled with misfortune and extremely difficult times that most people would not be able to overcome. Now after I have had a full year to travel, mostly alone, has given me plenty of time to pray in churches all over Europe. In these places I realized that I was so dumb to not want to be like my family. They are strong, resilient, smart, and nice people. I would be lucky to be anything like them so my plans for the future are to be more like my family and then I will have a good life.
