3 Months Left . . . or is it???

Apparently it is true that when you are having fun time does fly by. Every day seems to get better then the previous day and I hope that never stops. I understand that not every day is going to be this amazing experience but why can't it be? I believe the only thing that stands in my way is the chaos of life. And isn't that just a beautiful thing? If life never changed, never challenged me, gave me everything on a silver plater, then who the hell would I be today? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that this year has been nothing but a privilege that most people will never have and I still feel as this much be a dream but sometimes I just wonder if life could ever get better than this? So far, this year has been the best year of my life. I have felt so many damn emotions since this journey began.

Life starts with fear and pain. So did this journey. I was afraid of all the changes I was about to experience. I was leaving my city, my job, my friends, my family, and the absolutely most difficult thing was leaving the love of my life behind. I know that she is being taken care of and when I get back Chloe and I will  be together again. Chloe is my baby. My ten year old Staffordshire Terrier.

I was in a relationship that was consuming me and I loved it. She was moving to Italy and it seemed logical to me to follow her just so I could wake up next to her. Oddly enough, she didn't really want or appreciate that gesture as much as I thought she would. Oh well, Lesson learned. Now it did take me a while to get over all that and lets be honest, its still a work in progress. I know she has been doing her thing and moving on while considering her past while I am doing pretty much the same thing. I am really happened that this happened here in this situation because many people who travel are looking for something and sometimes that something might just be you.

Now life has been a constant roller coast lately. Nothing bad really, intact everything is quite amazing. I am just confused on how it is possible to be this damn happy all the time. All I have to do now is just figure out how to maintain this happiness level. I think its because the people I have surrounded myself with actually seem to enjoy my company. They don't want or need anything from me except friendship, thats just amazing to me.

So the true point of this post, time is coming to an end here and I am about 5 classes away from completing my Masters Degree in Graphic Design. What??? Wow!!! I can't even believe it. I can't wait to see where my path in life takes me because I feel like I am on a roll right now. I am planning on flying back to America and then driving across it with my homie, Peaches. I hope that goes well.
Besides that I have a few more trips coming up and they are mostly islands in the Mediterranean Sea. I can't wait to get my tan game going.

Ciao, till the next time I have something to say .  . .

Thinking outside the box

Every day for the last 7 months I have woken up in Europe. It still blows my mind that this is my life right now and that life really can be this spectacular. The really crazy thing is that it seems to only get better day by day. I have learned more about myself lately and have been pushing myself to improve myself again. I don't know exactly how it had happened but i am truly happy with myself again. This happiness is crucial to my survival as an artist. I can not think when I am not happy. Years ago I would look at a blank sheet of paper and instantly see something on the paper. I would never draw anything but I would free the paper of its all natural state. I really had lost my vision and when I looked, I saw nothing. I still don't completely see what I used to but I do see something again. I am looking harder then ever before because I remember how important my vision has always been. I used to see the world with such wonder and awe but it has lost its luster after years of the same activities with people who didn't positively affect my life. I allowed myself to loose myself. I really believe that this experience here has put me back on the track to find myself.

Bubbles . . .

Collecting memories constantly is fun! Especially when you take the time to sit down and look back on your special moments in life that have brought you so much joy. I have been sitting on my couch for about 30 minutes now and I feel like this is the first time I have sat still in a long time. I have developed a hunger for life! Its truly what drives me to wake up in the morning and why it has been difficult for me to focus completely on my schooling out here because there is just way to much to do outside every day. I have never been so excited in my life when I wake up in the morning. I wake up with a massive smile on my face every day. Reality has shifted for me so much and I am so proud of myself for allowing myself to grow as a person. I find myself constantly blowing my own mind in terms of how I act and what I am thinking most of the time. I have burst the bubble that I previously lived in and hope to never live in it again.

My best friend had told me in August that I had lost my internal fire, I had lost my passion for life, and I had lost my desire to be happy. I think I lost site of who I am, was, and want to be. I am happy to announce that my fire is back and now I just have to fan the flames and make it grow.

I am the happy adult who is a kid inside and I will survive!

And the count down begins

In 11 days I will be turning 30 years old! I can not believe it truthfully but I can say that I have learned and experienced a lot in that period of time. A year ago I would have never guessed that I would be sitting in my friends apartment in Budapest writing an entry in my travel blog. I would have never guessed that I would be living in an apartment in Italy that makes most Italians drop their jaws upon entry to my 13th century apartment. I would have never guessed that I would have seen the Eiffel Tower, or drank champagne on the Danube river, or smoked a joint in front of the Roman Colosseum. Well some things you just never see coming I guess. The best part of life is the unexpected. It is the moments that take your breathe away, make you wish you could share them with people who are gone, and make you appreciate the fact that you are sharing these moments with new friends. I have made more friends in five months then I think I have ever made in America in 29 years. I don't understand how I have lived in such a close minded bubble for so long but hell I guess it took this long to burst it because I wasn't ready to see the beauty of life. I now can only think of life as this truly amazing chaotic experience that I can not control and would never want to.

Today marks the beginning of a special sort of count down for me. It is self imposed and enjoyed purely by me. I am counting down the end of an era and the end of my 20's. I finally am starting to see a man when I look in the mirror. I have had hard times in the past with my reflection but now I think others are starting to help me realize that I have more value then I would have ever believed. I want nothing more then to inspire others to want to travel. Whenever you travel I hope you open the doors that say not to, go down the streets that look the scariest, and to speak to anyone who seems like they might have a good story to share. Never be afraid when you travel because life is chaotic enough to live in fear. I can honestly say that the only thing that scares me is that someday I might loose my passion for travel, life, and adventure.

I really want anyone who reads this to consider one thing, when you are in your last hours here will you be happy with the person you have become or will you be regretting that you never tried?

Just a bit about the week

 “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”― Abraham Lincoln




This quote defines where my mind is lately. I have made up my mind to be happy forever. Thinks its impossible? Only time will tell. I love how every day seems to be better then the next. I have made some amazing friends, met some really interesting people, and sharing some unforgettable experiences with people who are opening my mind to the world. 

I am so grateful for some new friends that I have made and really hope that whatever next in life will be just as rewarding and fun as life has been lately. I walk around Italy now with a smile on my face that seems permanent. This blog is really meant to capture a time in life and so far it has been a great way to record my thoughts. I really am grateful for all of these opportunities and hope who ever reads this understands one thing, Just smile and everything becomes better. Everything. 

This picture is of a moment of clarity on a nice stroll in Firenze. Opening and my eyes like a baby to the world is quite amazing. 

When bubbles burst

Life has a chaotic flow that can not be understood. It is not meant to be. It is a journey which allows to effect it but can not plan it. Previous to my recent experiences I have lived in a bubble. This bubble consumed my fears and cradled them. I only thought of the bad things that in my opinion were Immanent to occur, yet most of those fears never happened. I have realized I have literally nothing to fear except my fear to not try. Stepping into the world like this has been intense for me. I have been able to do and see things I didn't even know excited. I have eaten lunch in castles, I have seen where Columbus came back to the queen, I have seen a Tuscan sunset turn from blue to pink to purple and then to darkness, I have seen! I am very proud of myself and mostly happy about the fact that I am ready to continue living and see where I go next. I have no idea and no direction yet because I can't. I have made decisions which have aloud me certain opportunities down the line but for now I just want to enjoy and see what turns out.

What this trip has taught me is that I have value. I matter, if only to me. And that is fine with me. I have found myself back drawn to daily prayer and being more thankful for all that I have. I don't wonder about the things I left behind and imagine they will give me little joy when I see them all again. Living and being outside, social and open is what will bring me joy. I have met cool people in the last few months and the list keeps expanding. Great conversations are the best part of new friendships. Seeing where these people come from, who they believe they are, and where they are going next. I have realized I don't ask people certain questions anymore. No longer is it a concern of mine where people work. If they feel compelled to tell me I always listen and remember but I don't believe a job defines a person. I think life and character defines the person. This all may sound deep and preachy but it's not meant to be. This is what I think now because of my experiences in life and them leading me here. Tomorrow I don't know where I will go or what I will do. Today I will let happen and see where life puts me. I will pursues one thing on a daily basis, improvement of myself and my happiness.

I am still not sure why life has been so great lately but I'm sure it has something to do with destiny. I have to thank my friend Subhash who I only met once on a sunny day in Sienna, Italy. We randomly met as we both looked lost getting on the train and found each other. We spoke of destiny, karma, love, family, and travels. A conversation that has impacted my European travels tremendously. Now wherever I go from this point forward I will always consider, has destiny brought me here? Do I need to alter this moment for my happiness to improve? Or is this Karma taking care of some unfinished business?

The beauty is I will never know. And I love that.

Christmas Break

I am about half way through my winter break from classes and it has been one of the most interesting breaks of my life. I have seen things that previously I had only studied in books. I got to go to Rome, Perugia, and wonder around my new home of Firenze. I have booked an upcoming trip to Budapest, Hungary which will be from January 13th-17th. This will be my first European adventure that I will be doing completely alone. I have no real idea why I booked the trip, where I am going, and what I will do when I get there. Sounds fun, right?! I hope so. I think its a good idea but I'm never sure until I try and see what happens. I have never really thought much of going there other than the fact that I have amazing family friends that are from there. I think sometimes life just makes you do things and you have no real understanding of why you are doing it but you know you need to do it.

I sat on the couch the other night around 1am watching a movie on my computer. It was a chilly night so I decided to stay in while my ex-girlfriend decided to go out around the same time and party all night. Who knows what she does when she is gone but for the first time in a long time I really don't care anymore. I have started to focus purely on my own joy and what makes me tick. I used to have this intense fire inside of me, a passion for life that others could clearly see radiating from me. After years of being burnt out by the American lifestyle and the constant pursuit of material possessions I can honestly say I have lost my fire and have been looking for some sort of spark to get me going again. I don't know that this trip is exactly that yet because honestly I still live in a limbo stage where I feel like I can do anything yet I sit patiently waiting for things to magically get better. I am about to turn 30 years old in just a few months and that is some scary stuff. Mainly it freaks me out because I know there are 30 years behind me and I still have no clue what I am doing with myself. I adventure constantly, I have opened my eyes to new and amazing experiences, and I have completely hit rock bottom since getting to Europe. I guess the bottom would purely mean that I have lost all of myself here and I starting to think that might be the best thing possible for me.

I am lost and now I am becoming found again. I am finding out who I am and what I stand for. My morals and my opinions matter and just because in the past relationships I have bent my will to make others happy when in reality I should have never done that at all. I understand doing things to make others happy but somewhere along the way I lost sight of what actually makes me happy. I lost me and that was the worst thing I could have ever done. After 10 years of college and multiple long term relationships I was burnt out and just wanted to disappear. I did and that was the worst thing I could have ever done. I should have kept my moment going but I didn't. I know now that is ok because I had to realign my perspective and without giving up everything that is normal to my life how could I ever appreciate new and valuable life experiences? I couldn't have; plain and simple.

I am looking forward to the next 6 months that I have left to live here in Italy. Not because they will be easy or fun or filled with adventure but mainly because they will be filled with enormous personal growth. The intangible things that nobody else can see except for me will be what I will be focusing on. I will do my best to not be physical with any female and purely harness powerful friendships. I will find what I am looking for when I am ready to see it but I am not ready yet. I am focused on one girl and the fact that she doesn't like me around anymore except somehow we spend most days together. That hurts me deeply but only because I have allowed it to hurt me. There is no more time for this in my life and I will work on creating a lifestyle that incorporates art, passion, appreciation, and humility. I am a man on a mission to find the purpose of my life and now that I have hit the bottom and shattered all of my previous realities, it is now time to create better and more appropriate realities.