A New Day

I looked at myself today in the mirror and I was confused. I have a beard now, my hair is getting long for me, and now I seem to have pimples. My body seems to be changing and it's really odd to me. Grow up and growing older and two completely different things. I am however doing both at the same time which isn't always the case. In the past two years I have done all I could to escape the reality I had been setting myself up for. I bought into the working a boring job just to have stuff, the real American dream I guess. That's not my dream. I want more than just stuff, I want experiences. I want to experience a life that goes with the flow and can blow in the wind. I want to be able to have no home and become a nomad. The idea of home has always been important to me but now it seems like something I want to run away from. It's very strange because home is a lovely place. It's got friends, family, and familiarity. And maybe just maybe that's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to just fall into a stagnant life that blows through weeks because I can't tell Monday apart from Friday. Rather I would prefer that confusion because I haven't looked at a calendar for a month. Life is about surviving not making money. Now there are truly different levels of survival but reality is that I started at the bottom and I'm ok here. People may have had more and less than me but I'm finally happy with what I had and appreciate it more now that I understand the struggle of what my mom went through to give me all that she could. And she did one hell of a job, I usually got what I wanted cause she would do anything to see my smile. The idea of a person that would die to make you happy is something I hope I can find a few more times in this lifetime. But if not, I will always know that I was blessed to have such Ana amazing person in my life. 

I want this week to be dedicated to my grandmother. Every day I will take a bit of time and reflect of our good times together. The lessons she taught me and the many amazing experiences we shared. Today I remember the time she bought me two mice and let me keep them in a bird cage. I found out that mice could fit through very tiny spaces through that experience which led to dead mice found many years later. Oh grandma, you were crazy in the best kind of way. 

Anyways that's it for now. I am listening to daft punk in a bar having a coffee. Italy has really made me appreciate the coffee house because it's time to reflect and relax. I have no worries when I am sitting and thinking. I am at peace when I don't move. That sounds strange but I mean it. Music, coffee, deep thoughts and reflections, this is my happiness right now. I have found a way to escape my reality for a bit and enjoy life. The beauty is that I really think with this experience I might finally be on a true road to happiness. Cheers to that!