Just for now, Just for fun

As each day passes and I have less and less time here in Italy I have been forcing myself to push my limits even more than I have in the previous 8 months. I have met some interesting people who are helping me understand things that I never knew I didn't understand, which is insane because I thought I knew everything that I needed to know. The stupidest thing I have ever thought or said is that I thought I knew everything I needed to know. I have learned to listen to others, to open my eyes and see the worlds beauty again, I have learned to not listen to others, and I have learned to close my eyes and heighten my other senses. The point I am getting at is that I am finding a balance in life for the first time ever and truly understand that I know nothing. I want to continue to pursue a daily education and push myself to learn as much as possible about everything I possibly can.

As I am sitting here in Italy in the Oblate I am surrounded by people who are putting in the work. I don't know what they are working towards or for but I see that they are putting time in. My biggest problem is I have been in school for so damn long now that I can't even believe I put myself back into school after I achieved my bachelors degree. A masters degree will come in handy down the line but I am staring to realize a few things about myself and formulating ideas about my potential future. I would like to now share a few ideas and thoughts that I have had lately. I want this to be shared because maybe someone in the world can help me make these things happen or maybe I will just use this as a way to remind myself of what I want to do with my future.

1- When I get back to Los Angeles I will begin to place art installations all over the city. They will be in various places that people will accidentally stumble upon. The idea is to create an art piece that confuses people while also giving them a sense of awe when they stumble upon my art pieces. Details of the art installation will be released at a more appropriate time.

2- I want to meet at least 5 new people every week. I want this to be something I force myself to do because it will be great for networking. I also want to overcome the idea that anyone is better than anyone else. I have learned from my life experiences that people are people, good or bad, they are all just trying to figure out their shit.

3- Spend more time with my family and close friends. I have spent the last 12 years avoiding contact with family and certain friends because my pride and my ego wouldn't allow me to lower my guard. A year removed from your friends and family really allows you to see how important they are to you. It also helps you realize that someday they might not be there for you, so enjoy as much time as you can with them.

4- Don't be afraid to tell people I love them. This is something that is really important to me in terms of something I need to improve upon. I was once told by my Grandfather, "Amor es Todo." These were the wisest words anyone ever shared with me. I have learned the simplest thoughts can hold tremendous weight. The reason it is important to never forget to tell the people you love that you do is because there is always that slight chance it could be your last time ever saying it to them. If you love someone then don't be afraid to let them know.

5- Watch the clouds more often and day dream. When I was in high school my best buddy and I used to sit on Ventura blvd and watch the clouds go by for hours. It was a simple time but it was a time that I will remember forever. Like I said, some of the simplest things can hold tremendous weight in life. My few months in Italy has restarted my love for sitting still and watching the clouds transform in the sky. This helps me day dream by choosing what clouds actually look like something real. Day dreaming is important because it clears your mind and allows you to not think about anything other than the beauty of that moment in your life.

6- Appreciate the little things. I feel like this one is doesn't need an explanation. Truly it is important to stop every once and awhile to just look around and appreciate the moment you have been blessed with. Deep breathes and gorgeous views really help your mind go to a better place.

7- Smile as much as possible. The more you smile, the more people will be attracted to you. I feel like the sentence I have heard the last few months is, "do you ever stop smiling?" My only response ever is, "Nope. I am to damn happy." Remember happiness starts and ends in your head. If you think your happy, then you are. I see life as black and white. There is only good and bad, right or wrong, left or right, up or down, etc. You get it, right?

8- Find your own rules to live by. These are my rules and things I have learned along the way. In my 30 years of life experience I have buried some amazing people, I have had some epic adventures, I have had some great lovers, I have cried and felt helpless, and I have always come out of each experience with a sense of understanding and happiness because every thing is a learning experience. You should use your particular life experiences to figure out how to live the best life you can. What may work for me might not work at all for you or maybe you should do the exact same thing as I am doing. Really, it doesn't matter. Just find your rules that will bring you to actual happiness.

These are just a few thoughts that I have had lately and really wanted to share them. Remember, life is always changing and its truly for a reason. The reason is, if everything stayed the same all the time then life would be so boring. Life is amazing because you never know what may happen in the next moment.

3 Months Left . . . or is it???

Apparently it is true that when you are having fun time does fly by. Every day seems to get better then the previous day and I hope that never stops. I understand that not every day is going to be this amazing experience but why can't it be? I believe the only thing that stands in my way is the chaos of life. And isn't that just a beautiful thing? If life never changed, never challenged me, gave me everything on a silver plater, then who the hell would I be today? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that this year has been nothing but a privilege that most people will never have and I still feel as this much be a dream but sometimes I just wonder if life could ever get better than this? So far, this year has been the best year of my life. I have felt so many damn emotions since this journey began.

Life starts with fear and pain. So did this journey. I was afraid of all the changes I was about to experience. I was leaving my city, my job, my friends, my family, and the absolutely most difficult thing was leaving the love of my life behind. I know that she is being taken care of and when I get back Chloe and I will  be together again. Chloe is my baby. My ten year old Staffordshire Terrier.

I was in a relationship that was consuming me and I loved it. She was moving to Italy and it seemed logical to me to follow her just so I could wake up next to her. Oddly enough, she didn't really want or appreciate that gesture as much as I thought she would. Oh well, Lesson learned. Now it did take me a while to get over all that and lets be honest, its still a work in progress. I know she has been doing her thing and moving on while considering her past while I am doing pretty much the same thing. I am really happened that this happened here in this situation because many people who travel are looking for something and sometimes that something might just be you.

Now life has been a constant roller coast lately. Nothing bad really, intact everything is quite amazing. I am just confused on how it is possible to be this damn happy all the time. All I have to do now is just figure out how to maintain this happiness level. I think its because the people I have surrounded myself with actually seem to enjoy my company. They don't want or need anything from me except friendship, thats just amazing to me.

So the true point of this post, time is coming to an end here and I am about 5 classes away from completing my Masters Degree in Graphic Design. What??? Wow!!! I can't even believe it. I can't wait to see where my path in life takes me because I feel like I am on a roll right now. I am planning on flying back to America and then driving across it with my homie, Peaches. I hope that goes well.
Besides that I have a few more trips coming up and they are mostly islands in the Mediterranean Sea. I can't wait to get my tan game going.

Ciao, till the next time I have something to say .  . .

Thinking outside the box

Every day for the last 7 months I have woken up in Europe. It still blows my mind that this is my life right now and that life really can be this spectacular. The really crazy thing is that it seems to only get better day by day. I have learned more about myself lately and have been pushing myself to improve myself again. I don't know exactly how it had happened but i am truly happy with myself again. This happiness is crucial to my survival as an artist. I can not think when I am not happy. Years ago I would look at a blank sheet of paper and instantly see something on the paper. I would never draw anything but I would free the paper of its all natural state. I really had lost my vision and when I looked, I saw nothing. I still don't completely see what I used to but I do see something again. I am looking harder then ever before because I remember how important my vision has always been. I used to see the world with such wonder and awe but it has lost its luster after years of the same activities with people who didn't positively affect my life. I allowed myself to loose myself. I really believe that this experience here has put me back on the track to find myself.

Bubbles . . .

Collecting memories constantly is fun! Especially when you take the time to sit down and look back on your special moments in life that have brought you so much joy. I have been sitting on my couch for about 30 minutes now and I feel like this is the first time I have sat still in a long time. I have developed a hunger for life! Its truly what drives me to wake up in the morning and why it has been difficult for me to focus completely on my schooling out here because there is just way to much to do outside every day. I have never been so excited in my life when I wake up in the morning. I wake up with a massive smile on my face every day. Reality has shifted for me so much and I am so proud of myself for allowing myself to grow as a person. I find myself constantly blowing my own mind in terms of how I act and what I am thinking most of the time. I have burst the bubble that I previously lived in and hope to never live in it again.

My best friend had told me in August that I had lost my internal fire, I had lost my passion for life, and I had lost my desire to be happy. I think I lost site of who I am, was, and want to be. I am happy to announce that my fire is back and now I just have to fan the flames and make it grow.

I am the happy adult who is a kid inside and I will survive!

And the count down begins

In 11 days I will be turning 30 years old! I can not believe it truthfully but I can say that I have learned and experienced a lot in that period of time. A year ago I would have never guessed that I would be sitting in my friends apartment in Budapest writing an entry in my travel blog. I would have never guessed that I would be living in an apartment in Italy that makes most Italians drop their jaws upon entry to my 13th century apartment. I would have never guessed that I would have seen the Eiffel Tower, or drank champagne on the Danube river, or smoked a joint in front of the Roman Colosseum. Well some things you just never see coming I guess. The best part of life is the unexpected. It is the moments that take your breathe away, make you wish you could share them with people who are gone, and make you appreciate the fact that you are sharing these moments with new friends. I have made more friends in five months then I think I have ever made in America in 29 years. I don't understand how I have lived in such a close minded bubble for so long but hell I guess it took this long to burst it because I wasn't ready to see the beauty of life. I now can only think of life as this truly amazing chaotic experience that I can not control and would never want to.

Today marks the beginning of a special sort of count down for me. It is self imposed and enjoyed purely by me. I am counting down the end of an era and the end of my 20's. I finally am starting to see a man when I look in the mirror. I have had hard times in the past with my reflection but now I think others are starting to help me realize that I have more value then I would have ever believed. I want nothing more then to inspire others to want to travel. Whenever you travel I hope you open the doors that say not to, go down the streets that look the scariest, and to speak to anyone who seems like they might have a good story to share. Never be afraid when you travel because life is chaotic enough to live in fear. I can honestly say that the only thing that scares me is that someday I might loose my passion for travel, life, and adventure.

I really want anyone who reads this to consider one thing, when you are in your last hours here will you be happy with the person you have become or will you be regretting that you never tried?

Just a bit about the week

 “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”― Abraham Lincoln




This quote defines where my mind is lately. I have made up my mind to be happy forever. Thinks its impossible? Only time will tell. I love how every day seems to be better then the next. I have made some amazing friends, met some really interesting people, and sharing some unforgettable experiences with people who are opening my mind to the world. 

I am so grateful for some new friends that I have made and really hope that whatever next in life will be just as rewarding and fun as life has been lately. I walk around Italy now with a smile on my face that seems permanent. This blog is really meant to capture a time in life and so far it has been a great way to record my thoughts. I really am grateful for all of these opportunities and hope who ever reads this understands one thing, Just smile and everything becomes better. Everything. 

This picture is of a moment of clarity on a nice stroll in Firenze. Opening and my eyes like a baby to the world is quite amazing. 

When bubbles burst

Life has a chaotic flow that can not be understood. It is not meant to be. It is a journey which allows to effect it but can not plan it. Previous to my recent experiences I have lived in a bubble. This bubble consumed my fears and cradled them. I only thought of the bad things that in my opinion were Immanent to occur, yet most of those fears never happened. I have realized I have literally nothing to fear except my fear to not try. Stepping into the world like this has been intense for me. I have been able to do and see things I didn't even know excited. I have eaten lunch in castles, I have seen where Columbus came back to the queen, I have seen a Tuscan sunset turn from blue to pink to purple and then to darkness, I have seen! I am very proud of myself and mostly happy about the fact that I am ready to continue living and see where I go next. I have no idea and no direction yet because I can't. I have made decisions which have aloud me certain opportunities down the line but for now I just want to enjoy and see what turns out.

What this trip has taught me is that I have value. I matter, if only to me. And that is fine with me. I have found myself back drawn to daily prayer and being more thankful for all that I have. I don't wonder about the things I left behind and imagine they will give me little joy when I see them all again. Living and being outside, social and open is what will bring me joy. I have met cool people in the last few months and the list keeps expanding. Great conversations are the best part of new friendships. Seeing where these people come from, who they believe they are, and where they are going next. I have realized I don't ask people certain questions anymore. No longer is it a concern of mine where people work. If they feel compelled to tell me I always listen and remember but I don't believe a job defines a person. I think life and character defines the person. This all may sound deep and preachy but it's not meant to be. This is what I think now because of my experiences in life and them leading me here. Tomorrow I don't know where I will go or what I will do. Today I will let happen and see where life puts me. I will pursues one thing on a daily basis, improvement of myself and my happiness.

I am still not sure why life has been so great lately but I'm sure it has something to do with destiny. I have to thank my friend Subhash who I only met once on a sunny day in Sienna, Italy. We randomly met as we both looked lost getting on the train and found each other. We spoke of destiny, karma, love, family, and travels. A conversation that has impacted my European travels tremendously. Now wherever I go from this point forward I will always consider, has destiny brought me here? Do I need to alter this moment for my happiness to improve? Or is this Karma taking care of some unfinished business?

The beauty is I will never know. And I love that.